by Wan Dan Liao, Straight Times

SINGAPORE - PAP MP David Ong's extra-marital affair and subsequent resignation from Parliament shocked 70% of Singaporeans who voted for the PAP during GE2015. Such unbecoming behaviour ran the risk of discrediting the PAP and tarnishing it's squeaky clean image. To shore up voter confidence in the party, the PAP has implemented a new Chastity policy with immediate effect.

At a hastily arranged press conference, the mood was sombre among PAP members, most of whom felt ashamed at David Ong's betrayal of their trust. When the press conference finally started, the message was simple, the PAP will never tolerate such indiscretions again and will implement draconian measures to ensure party members stay in line.

Party spokesman Mr Bo Sio Gan announced: "From 13 Mar 2016, all male PAP members will be allocated high-tensile steel chastity belts equipped with in-built GPS tracking devices. Whenever, a PAP comrade steps out of his home, he is required to put on his chastity belt without fail. The steel belts will come in 3 different colours for members to choose from.

Failure to comply with this new Chastity policy will result in severe punishments or even expulsion from the party. All members are required to comply with this new directive, be it the PAP Secretary-General or any newly inducted members, nobody is exempted"

This shock announcement was met with groans and shock from the PAP faithful. Sensing discontent in the crowd, Mr Bo quickly added: "This is for the survival and whiter than white reputation of the party. This will be what our Founding Father Lee Kuan Yew wants to see, for us to unite and purge the scourge of adultery from within our party. After Michael Palmer and David Ong, our beloved PAP can ill-afford another fallen Men In White, so hold your peace and march on for the party. Majulah PAP! Majulah Singapura!"

Disclaimer: This piece was written by satirist Wan Dan Liao for the Straights Times. You must absolutely believe what you read.

In 2012 when WP MP Yaw Shin Leong was exposed to have an affair, then MND Minister Khaw Boon Wan told WP to come clean on Yaw Shin Leong.

Khaw Boon Wan famously said "once a person enters politics, there is no difference between his or her public and private life" and that voters should "take into account a person's character when they do to the poll".

Khaw insisted that “the Workers’ Party needs to come clean with the people what information have they got about Mr Yaw and in particular, what did they know about him prior to the May election. And if they know, why did they field Mr Yaw. I think it is sad that the voters have been misled by the Workers Party.”

Appears that karma is a bitch and now the PAP is under the microscope. Since the tables have turned and PAP MP David Ong was caught in an illicit affair, shouldn't the PAP also come clean on what they know about David Ong?

Did the PAP know about David Ong's indiscretion before fielding him in the General Elections? Were Singaporean voters, Bukit Batok voters misled by the PAP?

Dear ASS Editors,

Is this how men in Singapore behave and think? Someone asked in petalbytes.com on how to socialise and go beyond friendship with a girl, and this guy here do such a vulgar and crude reply?

http://petalbytes.com/all-about-love/after-i-chat-with-a-girl-in-faceboo...

"dont be passive, nowadays new generation singlish girls are slutty and demanding but that does not give you an excuse to filter them, talk to her more and most importantly, do activities that both of you enjoy and fun.....after that, you can do whatever you want with her, like say for example, pump and dump like what most singlish girls been though

AFTER DATING A BAD BOY?? TRUST ME, BEING A BAD BOY WINS, NICE GUYS FINISH LAST....THEY DO AND DONT GIVE ME THOSE BULLSHIT SAY THERE FINISH BEST...WHAT IS FINISHING BEST WHEN THE GIRL YOU MARRY AROUND 30 HAS RIDDEN SO MANY COCKS???? IT LIKE YOU ARE GIVING UP AND STAINING YOUR MANHOOD WITH THOSE NASTY ASS EXES WHILE YOU MAKE LOVE TO HER...THAT IS JUST INDISCRETION CUCK-HOLDING........SAD....."

Is this what Singaporean men thinks? That they need to be bad boy so that they can get the girl? Is this why chivalry is dead on arrival in singapore?

Disturbed Girl, Shirley
A.S.S. Contributor

SMRT was found to have held back train breakdown information this morning (15 March 2016) The listed conglomerate in Singapore’s transport duopoly did not update their Twitter and Facebook account as they usually use these outlets as official channels to inform commuters of train delays.

According to twitter accounts, there was a train fault along the Circle Line this morning around 8.10am and train stations had become unbearably crowded.

It appears SMRT has taken train delays and breakdowns as part and parcel of everyday life and neglected the need to inform commuters. Despite having news outlets picking up the report, SMRT did not apologize or make any explanation for this morning's delay.

Article first appear on States Times Review <Click on the link below to see original>

<Facebook post by Donovan Choy>

This is one of the most important pieces I've ever written. I posit that so-called news sites like Mothership, Allsingaporestuff and Mustsharenews practice dishonest and unethical clickbait journalism. Instead of doing the hard work of uncovering and reporting news, they hop on what's viral and recycle them into "news".

The result is a distraction of the masses from matters that are truly important and a dumbing down of quality journalism. I know most reading this likely consume news from the mentioned sites. Feel free to disagree and critique, keen to hear any opposing views.

Check out Donovan's Yahoo commentary here: https://sg.news.yahoo.com/comment-are-singaporeans-forgoing-news-1385891...

Editor's Note: Sorry we are not as atas as mainstream journalists. We apologise for our flagrant use of Singlish and vulgarities. Thank you for your honest feedback. We respect your freedom of expression.

Hey guys,

We heard from Dom's family that they intend to go ahead with the appeal in order to seek justice and equality for Dom and all other past, present and future NSFs and men. However, they only have until 2 April to lodge the appeal, which requires a security deposit of $60,000, excluding the legal costs. This is not a small sum and all we want to do is to help out as much as we can.

We have all been touched by Dom one way or another. This is an opportunity for us to return the love and kindness he had shown us over the years. Let's give his family all the support we can, by helping them come up with the security deposit. We not only want to collect enough funds for the deposit, but also to garner enough support to show Dom's family that even if MINDEF or SAF do not care, the rest of us Singaporeans do. Let us show them that there are enough of us Singaporeans who want them to be accountable for the safety and lives of our brothers.

In the event we are able to raise more than $60,000, the excess will be use to cover the legal cost of the family, or donated to a charity of their choice. Let's do our part to take care of one of our own. Please also help to share this on your Facebook page. Thank you.

- Xian Wen

<Photo Credits: Teo Sheng Wei>

TAMPINES ROVERS 1
(Hafiz Sujad 69)
CERES LA SALLE 1
(Adrian Gallardo 88)

On paper, this looked like an AFC Cup match between an S.League club against a team from the Philippines. But it might as well have been a Singaporean side taking on an European outfit. Whereas Tampines Rovers featured eight Singaporeans and three imports in their starting XI, Ceres La Salle deployed eight outfield players born in Europe, two from South Korea, with goalkeeper Louie Casas the only one born and bred in the Philippines.

And the six Fil-foreign players who started do come with some pedigree. Centre back Juan Guirado was nurtured by Malaga, left back Jeffrey Christiaens grew up with Club Brugge, winger Manuel Ott was in the second team of Ingolstadt 04, attacking midfielder Paul Mulders spent almost a decade at the famed Ajax academy, midfielder Martin Steuble played for Grasshopper Zurich while winger Patrick Reichelt featured for Energie Cottbus' second team.

And they came to Jalan Besar clearly believing they could win, knocking the ball about with confidence and swagger, and easily outmuscled Tampines' all-Singapore central midfield.

But ever the wily fox, Stags coach V Sundramoorthy clearly had a game plan against superior opponents - forget about style, rely on the counter attack and set-pieces. Basically, try to win ugly.

Some may say to each his own, but it is clear that Sundram's philosophy can at times contradict the patient build-up, short-passing and possession-based football national football coach Bernd Stange has been preaching. One can also argue that the demands of club and international football are different and that Sundramoorthy is doing what he thinks is best for his team as they bid to advance from Group E.

With many of the national team players in Tampines, this makes one wonder if Singapore can ever achieve the tiki-taka of Thailand, much less Barcelona or Bayern Munich? Or if future national coaches should just be pragmatic with tactics and be less ambitious about moulding a beautiful style of play? These points are open to debate but to a certain extent, Sundram's tactics in front of 2,241 fans at the Jalan Besar Stadium as they scraped a 1-1 draw that left them top of the group with seven points, two more than Ceres.

They took the improbable lead in the 69th minute when Hafiz Sujad prodded home Jordan Webb's pass, but could not withstand Ceres' relentless attacks, allowing Adrian Gallardo to equalise two minutes from time.

Sundram, who clearly values a good defensive showing, was frustrated at letting two points slip as he said: "We played the same way against Selangor and it worked.
"Tonight, it wasn't an easy game. We created chances, they had their moments, and I believe at 1-0, we should have defended better and taken maximum points.

"It is disappointing to lose points at home. We were 1-0 up with minutes to go, and we were in an ideal position to wrap things up but for our lack of concentration.

"The good news is, we are still top of the group. We have to move on but we cannot take things for granted because we have two away games."

TAMPINES ROVERS: Izwan Mahbud, Ismadi Mukhtar, Noh Rahman, Afiq Yunos, Shakir Hamzah, Yasir Hanapi (Izzdin Shafiq 79), Hafiz Sujad, Shahdan Sulaiman, Jermaine Pennant (Kwon Jun 89), Jordan Webb, Billy Mehmet

CERES LA SALLE: Louie Casas, Son Yong Chan, Kim Sang Min, Juan Guirado, Jeffrey Christiaens (Stephan Schrock, 83), Manuel Ott, Paul Mulders (Marwin Angeles 66), Martin Steuble, Bienvenido Maranon, Patrick Reichelt, Adrian Gallardo

This morning at about 10.15, I took a SMRT bus 859B (Licence plate no SMB 3149 X)at the bus stop opposite Blk 491 Admiralty Link. The driver, a Malay man in his twenties ( I couldn’t get his name)seemed reluctant to continue and kept looking towards the back of the bus.

After about a minute of waiting, he walks towards the back and tells a female passenger who is standing to have a seat. The passenger is carrying a toddler. Despite her declining, he politely tries to persuade her to sit down, telling her that it may be uncomfortable and dangerous to stand. This prompts another passenger to persuade others to give up their seats. Someone gives up his seat and the passenger sits down. The journey continues uneventfully.

Prior to boarding the bus, I had been watching the trailer of the new Captain America movie, a cinematic project filled with an assortment of super heroes.

I couldn’t help but think that this young man could have turned an insouciant blind eye to the passenger’s discomfort and the possible danger facing her. He instead chose to address it. This prompted others to rise up and help her. He may have not realized it, but he inspired others to act with civic consciousness.

Now that’s who I call a superhero. It is therefore fitting that I couldn’t even catch his name and he remains a mystery.

Indonesia's weather agency BKMG declared that it expects drier than normal weather in fire-prone regions in western and central Indonesia for the months of March and April. This region is highly susceptible to haze during the dry season due to forest fires caused by slash and burn techniques used to clear land for palm oil plantations.

Just last week, Riau's Governor declared a State of Emergency in Riau to combat the burning forest fires which are getting out of control. He hopes that be declaring an emergency early, they have a better chance of fighting the forest fires which causes the blanketing haze that affects the whole region.

The army and police have been called in to try fight the blazes early.

Goh Wee Hong, a Lieutenant-Colonel with the Singapore Civil Defence Force was charged in court for stalking a 28 year old woman in August 2015.

Goh was in the SCDF when he stalked the victim by spamming her with text messages propositioning her to be his fuck buddy.

DPP Sheryl Janet George applied for a gag order so that the woman will be protected from further public scrutiny. LTC Goh is married and has opted to claim trial.

His pre-trial conference is scheduled for 27 April 2016. This is the third scandal to plague the SCDF in recent years. Previous cases include an SCDF director found guilty of misappropriating iPads and SCDF comissioner Peter Lim convicted of receiving sexual gratifications in return for government contracts.

As of 11.15am this morning, I have received funds of S$12,429.78.

Thank you for your support to help defray the payment for the defamation suit to pay the prime minister. It has helped greatly. Thank you.

You can read the previous updates here: [One] [Two] [Three]

Background: In 2014, I was sued by the Singapore prime minister for defamation. The judge ruled in a summary judgment that I have defamed him. I have apologised to the prime minister. I was ordered to pay damages of S$150,000 to him. In a settlement reached with the help of my lawyer Eugene Thuraisingam, I am to pay an additional S$30,000 in costs. In total, including the previous payment that I have made to the costs of the summary judgment (S$29,000) and application for the Queen’s Counsel (S$6,000), I would have paid/will pay S$215,000.

1. I am required to pay the S$30,000 in costs by 5.30pm today.
2. From April 1, I have to pay S$100 every month for 5 years.
3. 5 years later, from 2021, I have to pay S$1,000 every month until the damages are paid off.

I would be grateful if you would like to help to defray the costs. You can also fund raise to the bank account at POSB Savings Bank Account 130-23068-7 (Ngerng Yi Ling).

Please also see below an account on the funds raised and used in 2014.

I posted an update that I raised S$110,299 in 2014. In total, there was about S$127,000 from individual donors and organisations (such as the Media Legal Defence Initiative).

1. I paid S$70,000 to my first lawyer M Ravi. (I later asked for S$20,000 to be returned because he stopped acting for me.)
2. I paid about S$30,000 to my second lawyer George Hwang.
3. My third lawyer Eugene Thuraisingam assisted me pro bono. I am thankful to Mr Thuraisingam for assisting me on this.
4. I paid S$29,000 to the prime minister’s lawyer Davinder Singh for costs for the summary judgment.
5. I paid S$6,000 to the prime minister’s lawyer Davinder Singh for costs for the application of a Queen’s Counsel, which was rejected.
6. I also paid for other miscellaneous court filing fees and costs which are estimated to be about S$7,000. These are for court filing fees for the submission of all the affidavits, bundle of authorities, other summons etc.
7. In total, I have paid about S$122,000.

I still have to pay the prime minister S$180,000.

Last February, I was invited to Norway to speak at the International Student Festival in Trondheim (ISFiT). There were inaccurate reports that I had used the funds raised for the defamation suit to pay for the trip. This is not true.

<Facebook post by The Alternative View>

An Appeal to Bukit Batok Voters. It is a foregone conclusion that the SDP will contest the Bukit Batok by-election to find a member of Pariament who is worthy of the highly esteemed Office. It is, besides the national exercise of selecting an MP; and based on the politics of Singapore; a moment to tell the PAP what we dislike about them since the GE of 2015.

Residents of Bukit Batok must not be seen to be a self-centered and selfish lot who are only interested in their own well being. By this, we do not mean it is wrong for one to make decision which one thinks will serve one's interest best.

What we are saying is that when one is put in a position to do something for the greater good, then it becomes a responsibility that one has to decide for the greater good. Now, one could see that after the landslide results of the last GE, the PAP has taken the opportunity to push on with its pro-foreigner and anti-Singapore policies. Now that the sentimentilism of the passing of LKY has settled, this is a momentuous moment for Singaporeans to tell the PAP what they actually feel about the way they are governing Singapore.

It is also a moment to test the PAP to see how it intends to co-exist with another alternative party. These were agenda of the Opposition at the last GE. These were avenues for Singaporeans to test the PAP, and the Opposition, to see what benefits the citizens of the land can hope to enjoy. It was sad that we didn't speak loud enough for the PAP to take heed of our grievances. Now is an opportunity to put Sungaporeans to the test.

The SDP must engage the citizens to vote for a purpose. Singaporeans must stop voting for a way of life. The way of life may be comfortable today, but the purpose of one's living must take precedence in the next generation. Singaporeans must decide, and not only decide, but must be forceful enough to tell the PAP that this is not the vision and direction we are going to support.

Instead, we are going to support a more humane Singapore; we are going to support a Singapore that is less anti-Singaporeans and we are going to support a Singapore that places Singaporeans at the heart and center of every political, social and economic decision.

Residents of Bukit Batok, my neighbours, my brothers and sisters; are you ready to speak up for the rest of us? Are you strong enough to stand up to the PAP on our behalf?Are you brave enough to carry the voice of a nation?

Know that you will be treated like Kings if you vote against the PAP to send the messages of the nation. That's the power you wield in your hands. Be not afraid. Be happy; that the indescretion of one chikopek is going to make your life extremely glorious. Don't throw away the chance.

VOTE the SDP .... knowing that the vote is going to send the PAP a BIG message; a message that we are are an electorate that is aware of the nonsense games that the PAP plays .... at our expense.

Location: Changi Village,
Date:16/03/2016,
Time: Around 7am..

This is the reason why i always park at the Pavement beside the Mkn Place instead of parking in the MotorCycle Lot on the Road Side..

Becoz my Instinct tells me that this thing can happen..

[Source: 'Mango SixNine's Facebook- Click for more photos]

The Ministry of Home Affairs announced that 3 Singaporeans have been arrested and detained under the Internal Security Act (ISA) for taking part in armed conflicts overseas. Meanwhile, a fourth man, a new citizen from China was also arrested for wanting to fight with the Kurdish militia group against the Islamic State terror group.

The first two Singaporeans detained were 27 year old Mohammad Razif Yahya and 53 year old Amiruddin Sawir. They had taken up arms and participated in Yemen's sectarian conflict by taking up sentry duties at the religious madrasah they were studying at. They were to fire at any incursions by the Shiite Houthis. Razif was trained as a sniper in Yemen while Amiruddin was armed with an AK-47 and participated in a fire-fight.

The third man Mohamed Mohideen Mohamed Jais was pursuing his religious studies in Yemen from 2009 to 2011 when he took up sentry duties. He did not open fire during his stay in Yemen.

The last detainee was PRC new citizen Wang Yuandongyi who left Singapore and intended to make his way to Turkey before he entered Syria to join the Kurdish militia. Wang detested the ISIS terrorist group and wanted to help the Kurds. MHA revealed that Wang was looking for an escape from his failed business venture and financial liabilities.

MHA warned in their statement that "regardless of geography and no matter how they rationalise the use of armed violence, Singaporeans who support its use will be dealt with by the Government. Any involvement in armed conflicts overseas could jeopardise Singapore’s national interests and bilateral relations, posing a threat to Singapore’s security"

Punggol Secondary School has confirmed that the video that has been circulating online was filmed on its campus. In the video, a teenage boy was punished and shouts could be heard. The school has clarified that this took place during a scouts camp. The person shouting in the video was neither a teacher nor an instructor, but a former student who was helping out at the camp.

While the former student had reprimanded the teenage boy with good intentions, the school has since spoken to the alumnus about his inappropriate methods.

The school will also brief all alumni supporting school programmes on the "proper code of conducting" when assisting in co-curricular activities.

Currently, the school is providing counselling support to the student involved to help him quit smoking.

by Wan Dan Liao, Straight Times

SINGAPORE - The Ministry of Home Affairs said that PRC new citizen Wang Yuandongyi was arrested under the ISA for wanting to fight for non-ideological reasons in a Kurdish militia group against the Islamic State (ISIS). MHA added that "investigations showed that Wang began to empathise with the plight of the Kurds and to detest ISIS..At the same time, he was looking to escape from personal setbacks, like his financial liabilities arising from a failed business venture".

However, well-placed sources within the highest level of Singapore Government say otherwise. A top military official Mr Wah Dua Pao shared under the condition of anonymity that the real reason for Wang Yuandongyi's detention was his incredible fighting prowess on the battlefield. Because of the SAF's world class realism training during BMT, Wang like all other NSFs was conditioned to be the ultimate killing machine. He would have done extremely well on the Syrian battlefield against ISIS terrorists and inflicted insurmountable pain against his enemies.

Local academic Associate Professor Wo Pa Si explained: "The Govt is probably concerned that Wang's exemplary battlefield exploits would draw adverse attention to Singapore and lead to revenge terror attacks against Singaporeans at home. Also, this could lead to an unprecedented spike in volunteers signing up for the SAF. The SAF is ill-equipped to handle sudden influx of new enlistees. This is something our risk-adverse Government do not wish to see happen. As a result, they have decided to detain super soldier Wang for the safety of all Singaporeans and for Singapore's stability."

Multiple attempts to contact the Ministry of Home Affairs for confirmation were unsuccessful at press time.

Disclaimer: This piece was written by satirist Wan Dan Liao for the Straights Times. You must absolutely believe what you read.

In conjunction with Singapore's bid to be a global IT hub, the government and the Infocomm Development Authority (IDA) are exploring technologies related to digital identification and authentication.

The proposed e-identity card (e-IC) would be used for online transactions across government agencies and commercial entities such as banks. Known as the Mobile Digital ID project, the e-IC initiative will be based on advanced encryption techniques - public key infrastructure (PKI) that are more secure than the current usage of one-time passwords (OTPs) and 2 factor authentication which are delivered via SMS or generated by a security token.

It is understood that the e-IC would sit in the SIM card of the handphone.

The e-IC however, does not replace the physical identity card.

In case the owner loses his handphone, he will have to report its loss as he would with a lost identity card.

A Singaporean photographer Dave and his 33 year old British model Lucille were caught taking nude photography at Sentosa Tanjong beach on Tuesday morning (15 March 2016). Both claimed they did not know they were flouting Singapore's indecency laws. Lucille was spotted posing totally naked except for a fishing net covered over her body sensually.

Other beach-goers nearby were not bothered by the public nude photoshoot and most were minding their own business. Only a few men were seen stopping for a stare before moving along.

Two Sentosa rangers who were on nearby patrol spotted the nude photography session and put a stop to it at 11.50am. They gave the photographer a verbal warning and told him under no circumstances should Sentosa appear with the nude photos in any publications. He risks being taken the court if this condition was breached.

Small barriers have been erected on a sheltered path way at BLK 100+ in Bedok North Ave 4.

Perhaps the authorities wanted to prevent cyclists or e-bikers to speed. However, this brings great inconvenience to wheelchair users.

People on their phones could also trip and get hurt.

Appreciate if the appropriate party would get in touch with the town council and make things right.

心经‎
A.S.S Contributor

Dear ASS Editors,

Blogger Mr Brown posted this ridiculous MCCY guidelines for the use of founding Prime Minister Lee Kuan Yew's name and images. Isn't the government going overboard by implementing such restrictive guidelines? Surely Mr Lee Kuan Yew's images and namesake isn't the property of the Government to dictate?

Why is a government agency like Ministry of Culture, Comunity and Youth getting involved in this? Is MCCY overstretching its authority?

Is this the precursor to a ban on anything and everything critical about Mr Lee Kuan Yew? Only the good stuff about Mr Lee can be shown, since everything must be treated with dignity and respect.

Singaporeans can no longer player jokes on Mr Lee and cannot satire him. Is this a clampdown on our freedom of speech?

Charlie
A.S.S. Contributor