S'PORE GIRL: I DON'T KNOW IF I AM MARRYING BOYFRIEND OUT OF LOVE OR SELFISH NEEDS?

dear all

i need some advice. my current bf of 1.5 years just proposed to me with a nice ring. unfortunately the first word that came to my mind is not a resounding "yes".... but "uhm". i told him i will think abt it over the weekend...

i do like him a lot, and he has been very nice to me.. but i do not know whether i love him. we spent time together only 1.5 yr as a couple and i feel bad, because i am worried that i want to be with him, is not because i love him but because i want to run away from my own household.

i grew up with my parents and 3 siblings. 2 elder sisters and 1 younger brother. from young, we were a poor household, staying in a v small flat, and sharing everything. i dont mind being poor. i got used to it. tired but used to it. but what i really hate was that all my relatives are biased towards my younger bro.

by the time i was born, my family was really disappointed... no sons. i was the 3rd useless female in the family my chinese name was given by a fortune teller to bless the family with a son..... so when my younger bro was born, my whole extended family shower him with love.

while i get hands-me-down from my 2nd sis, who got it from her sis.... my bro got new stuff. i am not talking just abt female clothes or stuff only female babies can do.... but everything from i remember till now.. bags, books, games...

3 of us sisters and my bro shared a single room...

can u imagine all of us queuing up to use the toilet and to change clothes.... sharing a single phone line to chat with our friends and ask abt homework. whenever my brother need to use toilet, phone or whatsoever, my parents would insist we give in to him.

its tiring.

i remember i was on the phone during olevels to discuss some history stuff, but my parents force me to give it up to my bro..... and when he is in exam time, everyone has to be quiet and take care of him as if we didnt take care of him during normal days.

the worst thing that burned my memory is when we visit my grandma....

i will never forget that day even though i was a child.... we went there, and my grandma prepare drumsticks for my brother.

3 of us sisters, none of us get any.... we were given eggs.
EGGS. not even a single piece of meat...
I remember i cried myself to sleep that night, i was wondering why my mum give birth to me.
From that day till now, I have never eaten a drumstick. whenever i see it, i feel like vomitting. i am not kidding abt this :-[

anyway, fastforward to today... my sisters got married and i finally got my own room, and my brother went to the army, then university where he lived in hostel. i was really happy.. finally i dont have to fight with anyone for toilet or privacy. now that my bro graduated, my mum and father keep hinting me to MOVE OUT! i am their daughter... their own flesh and blood. :-[

luckily my bf is v understanding, he always let me stay over at his home during weekend. he comes from a humble family and stays hdb flat. but i really treasure staying in his room and have my own privacy. his parents are nice to me and their own daughters. i saw how they treat his sister, she is really lucky.

now that he pops the question, i got very worried. Deep down i know i am so sticky to him because i really dont like to stay at my home.... but i am worried i marrying him for the wrong reason. to be honest, i think im a bit skeptical abt relationship. he is only my 3rd bf... i was never close to any guys coz i got a deep wary of guys.....

I really hate my chinese traditional family. just because my bro is a guy. he gets everything... just because i am a girl, i am to give in to him everything. even now, i have to consider moving out just so that he can have his own room....

girls... should i ignore my fear of marrying him just because i want to move out of my household or should i just say yes to him? =(

Lady Marry
A.S.S. Reader